S U P P O R T and L O V E D O N E S
Watching a loved one go through cancer is a whole other story.
For some, support comes naturally, for some it is a challenge. I get it. Family and friends want to support you, they may not know-how. You may not know how or what to tell them. You can't know what you don't know. I will ease and assist in the journey for others.
I was blessed to have an incredible support system, although I was a single mother, paycheque stopped and financial concerns, but had all the love and laughter I could ever dream of. Amidst the fears, the tears, the anger and everything else in between
Support and loved ones, feel very much the same emotions that [we] patients do, in different ways. Anger, frustration, sadness, lost, scared, the list goes on. Support people do not necessarily share this with us, however, we know this. We have become a "burden" to you all. We know this. In many ways, you feel helpless. Yet, minimal things are more important than you know.
To some, it comes naturally, to some it is a struggle, a challenge. For you, this is the unknown. YOU want to do what is best for US. What is "right"; but, you may be a bit lost to it. YOU may want to run from it, due to nothing else then TO ESCAPE THE FEELING of helplessness, or not knowing how or what to do. Watching someone in pain is horrible. You may just want out! Then the feeling of "how dare you to think that way, you do not have to endure the pain and suffering" comes in. It is ok, it is a typical response. It's damn hard work being a support person. How do your loved ones get through this unscathed? Your emotions need to be acknowledged, honoured and need to be addressed too. Talk to me, I will help.
Above all else, take with you these things: love us, be present, laugh - the beauty of humour - sit quietly with us, read with us, watch a movie, take us for a walk, hold our hand, smiling at us when all you may want to do is scream or cry. AND ask us: What do you need today? One of the most valuable questions I came to love from all my support. Do you need to cry today? Do you need to scream today? Do you need a treat today? What do you need today? Breaking it down to "TODAY" is a game-changer all on its own. Get through today. Just today. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Only TODAY. It is a ONE day at a time journey.